I am from Turbat. My parents are old and poor, and my younger brothers and sisters are still children. My father works as a driver and struggles to keep the family alive.
I never imagined my life would reach this point.
My cousin used to threaten me constantly. He told me that if I refused to work for the banned terrorist organization Balochistan Liberation Army (BLA), he would kill my father.
I became frightened.
At first, I only cooked bread for him and bought mobile phone cards which he asked me to send somewhere. I did not know where those things were going or who they were for. Later, I found out he was linked to BLA terrorists.
After some time, he took me twice to the mountains.
Both times, my eyes were blindfolded.
There, I was introduced to BLA terrorist commanders. They spoke to me about female suicide bombers and glorified them like heroes. They repeatedly mentioned names like Shari Baloch and Sumaya, telling me that even mothers and educated girls had carried out “fidayee missions” and now it was my turn to follow their path.
The stories were repeated again and again until they started affecting my thinking.
Slowly, they convinced me that becoming a suicide bomber was some kind of sacrifice.
When my fiancé found out, he tried to stop me. He warned me to stay away from my cousin. My parents also stopped me several times. They said we were already poor and suffering enough problems, and that going near such people would only bring more destruction into our lives.
But I stayed silent because I was afraid for my father’s life.
He never knew that everything I was doing was out of fear that he would be killed.
Later, I travelled to Hub for treatment of an ear problem. During that time, my cousin contacted me again. I informed him that I had come for medical treatment, and he told me to complete the treatment because afterwards “they would send me ahead.”
While I was staying at Hub Chowki, my cousin gave me another phone number. The man on the other side told me to first spend time with my parents after treatment, because afterwards I would be sent for a suicide attack.
Then suddenly I learned that my cousin had been arrested.
Fear consumed me.
I broke my mobile phone because I believed that if he had been arrested, I would also soon be caught. And eventually the police came.
But when I was taken into custody, I was shifted to a safe place and treated respectfully.
After that, I informed the police about the other people connected to the network because the truth is that I never wanted to become a suicide bomber.
I never wanted to attack my own army or security personnel.
I was brainwashed. I was blackmailed. I was threatened.
Inside, I never wanted this life.
I love studying. I love painting. I am an F.Sc second-year student and my classes were continuing. My dream was to become either a doctor or a teacher so I could serve my people and make my parents proud.
I wanted an education. I wanted a future.
What I was about to do was wrong.
Terrorism destroys lives. It destroys families. Young people should stay away from terrorist organizations and never become their tools.
I thank Allah that I was saved before becoming a suicide bomber, because I was being pushed toward a path that would only end in death.
